There is no point to this, other than I thought it was funny. I have to provide some background here. I like to walk around the house doing Harry Potter impressions. Because he annoys me and I find British accents funny. Well, that and I have a three year old to talk to all day while I wash dishes. So I have to find ways to amuse myself. Apparently, I've done enough impressions that the girl picked up on it. So here she is. But I must note, she came up with the content all on her own. Clearly I need a vacation.

This is my special talent - being unemployed. I'm really good at it. And I'm not so good at working. I was laid off twice in the span of 12 months. I've never been laid off from being unemployed. I don't understand why people are so eager to get back to work. Enjoy your time off. You may never be unemployed again. 

I'm a stay at home Dad. I referee kid fights, clean things that I use to never notice were dirty and cry at cotton ads. Although, I still don't think I'll ever know where some of the frying pans go. I really don't care what people think. We're Manwives, guys. (Unless you're a real wife. Then you become what we call setting back woman's rights)

Yes, I stay home all day. Yes, my button down shirts have not seen the outside of a closet in months. And, yes, I use a color wheel to match my curtains to the duvet cover. But I can sit around all day, work when I want to and when someone doesn't listen to me ... I send them to their room. Try doing that at your "job".

I never have to attend another meeting in my life. I couldn't be happier. I can't think of a more wasteful time than sitting around a table for two hours, listening to some executive drone on about the new "process" for holding pointless meetings. Now when I waste my time it's watching 16 and Pregnant on MTV.

I've had some great time to bond with the kids. There have been some great moments I've gotten to share with my children that I would have missed had I been working. We hang out together and play games like beer pong, and I show them how to take a charge in indoor basketball.

I taught my son the proper technique for an elbow drop. Although, looking back, that may have not been such a great idea. And I've watched my daughter master the art of passing wind on demand. It's absolutely amazing. Not sure where it will get her in life, but least she knows what her God-given talent is.

No one gives a crap about how "important" your job was. Even if you are important, it didn't stop you from being replaced by someone willing to take $15 grand less a year. You may have once been higher on the corporate ladder than me, but now we're both standing in the same government soup line. And I didn't have to work as hard to get here. So now who's smarter, Mr. important?

I didn't realize until the other day that I had been approved for unemployment. I never received any notification, they just started depositing money. Great, no complaints. I'll collect my government cheese and finish organizing my closet. Then, yesterday, I get a letter in the mail.

You have been approved for unemployment benefits. However, it is likely that you will need to attend reemployment training.

"Are you f&%*ing kidding me? I've been doing my job for over a decade and some seven dollar an hour High School drop out is going to tell me how to push a broom? I guess I could suck it up for an hour."

Your training could last up to six hours. With a four hour workshop on how to search for a job.

I've heard person after person tell me to just suck it up and do it. No, I'm busy. I have things to do. Like ... cleaning the bed skirt. I don't need someone to waste fours hours of my life, showing me how to go through the want ads. Besides, what are you going to train me on? There are no jobs. No, I'm not kidding. Literally, there are no jobs.

(If you do find me one, just leave a link in the comment section. My talents include cleaning, sexy Zac Efron hair and the ability to do nothing all day)

First of all, it's insulting. If I'm going to go to any training it's Grad School. Secondly, all that I have left is the delusion that I'm important. I may not be important, but all I have left at this point is fooling myself that I am. If I have to sit through training on how there are opportunities for me at the local Victoria's Secret call center, I'll hang myself. Only to realize there isn't a tree tall enough in this sand hole.

Look, I'm pretty much at an all time low. I watch Dora the Explorer all morning, and then paddle through the Rainy Rain Forest with a three-year-old girl as we search for Spanish-speaking crocodiles. I have given up on shaving and wearing pants because, well, there really isn't any point. And I clean messes all day. I don't need to face the reality of becoming a Junior Piss Mopper at the local Denny's.

So I'm going to keep my last shred of dignity. And if it costs me a check, I can always become the garbage man. Hey, they only work one day a week!