Don’t Take It So Seriously
September 15, 2012This morning our friend, Bev Keegan, passed away after a six year battle with breast cancer. She was 36. She leaves behind her husband, a six-year-old daughter, a sister, her mother and father.
I always hate when people serve up platitudes after a loss. “She was such a nice person.” What else are they going to say, “Man, that guy was an asshole.” So instead of going on about how awesome Bev was, and, “Why does this only happen to good people?” I’m just going to tell a story that I think sums her up.
Bev Keegan June 1, 1976 – September 14, 2012
One of the last times we saw Bev, before she was bed-ridden, we were all talking at dinner when she tells this story about going to the dentist.
“I really think some people just take their jobs a little too seriously.”
She went to the dentist to get a routine cleaning. When the dentist comes in and tells her she needs x-rays.
“I really just want a cleaning.”
“We need to do x-rays to make sure everything is alright.”
“You don’t understand. I really don’t want the x-rays. I just want a cleaning.”
“But you need x-rays. There could be something wrong with your teeth.”
She explains to him that she has metastasized cancer and is undergoing chemo.
“I need to x-ray your teeth. There could be something seriously wrong.”
“I just wanted a cleaning.”
“But I have to. It’s my duty.”
Like there is some dentist x-ray law or something.
“I’m sorry, I really don’t mean to offend you, but I really don’t give a shit about my teeth.”
The whole time this woman, dying of cancer, is telling this story in the same quiet, matter-of-fact tone that I remember when I first met her almost 15 years ago. It hadn’t changed her. Because I can tell you this much, it would have changed me. I’d be all flipping furniture and shit. I’m not what you might call “graceful.”
At the same time she reminded me that it’s ok to not take things so seriously. That in the grand scheme, no one gives a shit what you did at work. No one cares about your job title, and annual reviews are stupid. Ok, I just added that because I think they’re a giant waste of time. We remember people for the person you are. And if you were a giant dick, we’ll remember you for that. Don’t make people think of you as a giant dick, don’t take it so seriously.
Thanks for sharing this one, David. I will, too.
First of all…sorry for the loss of your friend. If you think about it, we’re all on a trajectory toward death. The closer we get, the less time we have for bullshit. I know this because two days ago my doctor told me I have cancer. Now I am suspended between dark thoughts and trying to manage a bucket list full of items that I cannot afford. I am not thinking about my teeth, or new tires, or pressure washing the driveway, or any of the hundreds of other nagging things that need attention. Not saying they don’t have to be done. It’s just not going to be by me, and I don’t even know how bad the cancer is yet.
Wonderful wonderful!
A beautiful and funny way to honor your friend.
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Bevy was my sis-in-laws sister.She did an outstanding job of using each day as a gift.She had a birthday party for herself last year. She did tons of fun things with her family.She was a beautiful, caring & graceful person. Her enthusiasm for life & reading will be hard to replicate.
Michelle Bender- Gruber
You put this just so perfectly. I am so sorry for your loss – it’s not fair, it’s unexplainable and it sucks. Wish I had words to make it better, but you know too well, there are none. All I can offer is that I hear you, I’ll honour the memory of your friend by sharing her story with my network and I’ll cherish my loved ones a little more today because of your words. Wishing you only love, laughter and good health. x
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