The Manwife Chronicles

Third grade is hard. Because none of that shit looks familiar to me. That or I’ve discovered a learning disability I didn’t know I had. When I was a kid you just added and subtracted. That’s all changed.

“What do you have to do for homework?”

“We have to compose math problems?”

Isn’t that what you make in your backyard with lawn clippings and old food? What the hell does that have to do with math? Come to find out, it’s just carrying the one. What was wrong with calling it that?

Apparently, while we were gone, they came up with a whole new naming structure for carrying the one. There’s composing, decomposing and all all important regrouping. All the same name for carrying the one. I’m not sure why they had to change the name. I never knew that was a problem? That’s like changing the minus sign to a happy face because it was too “negative” looking.

After 15 minutes of learning a new language, I look at his homework to see hieroglyphics. I just figured out what to do with the letters. There were pictures too? I don’t remember any of this. I really should have paid more attention. No wonder no one will hire me.

“What the hell is that?”

“The boxes are hundreds, the lines are tens and the dots are ones.”

Great. I have to solve math problems with the Rosetta Stone.

“Can’t you just solve the problem?”

“Yes, but I have to show three different strategies.”

Again, things changed since we left. They invented new ways to add numbers. I’ve literally learned ways to do math I never knew existed. I’m a little scared of what I’ll learn when he gets to sex ed.